There is so much information I feel like I want to share. Too much to even share in several blog posts. I highly suggest that if you feel so prompted after reading about my experience you go and sign up for the next 40 day meditation challenge with Felice. Here is my "cliff's notes" version of the how, and why of my last 40 days:
I knew right away that I wanted to be a part of this meditation challenge. The word "meditation" was just hitting me so strongly. I had always known that meditation was a good thing for people to do. I just didn't know how to do it. I had tried before and just sitting in my room, trying to be quiet was always so confusing. I just couldn't do it. I needed someone to teach me how to meditate. This is where Felice comes in. She is the one conducting the 40 day meditation challenge and I signed up for her weekly webinar class. This was one of the best things I've ever done for myself.
In our first class Felice quoted a scripture from Doctrine and Covenants section 88 verse 91: "And all things shall be in commotion, and surely men's hearts shall fail them for fear shall come upon all people." Christ is warning us what this world will be like when time is wrapping up before His coming. This scripture just blew me away because my heart was literally failing me. Not in a heart attack sort of way -which is happening to way too many people- but in a psychological sort of way. I could not function in my daily life because my heart was failing to keep up with the stress going on in my mind. I would venture to say that people's hearts are failing them every day in every way and some may not even know it. The more I open up about my issues with anxiety, the more I find that everyone is dealing with anxiety on some sort of level.
The world knows that it is important to physically prepare your heart with exercise for whatever issue may appear, but no one talks about the need to spiritually and mentally prepare your heart. For those of us who are LDS, we have always heard how we differ from our pioneer ancestors because they had a physically demanding trial and we, of this generation, shall have the spiritually demanding trials. I never understood what this meant until this last year. The world is spinning faster, our lives are on hyper-speed and our sub-conscious minds are being overloaded with information and stimulation. The sub-conscious is supposed to file all the millions of thoughts and simulations we receive so we can choose which things are important to focus on and hide the rest away. But they are getting so crammed with information that it's overflowing and creating havoc on our spiritual and physical selves.
This is where meditation comes in. President of the LDS church in the 1970's David O. Mckay said, "Meditation is one of the most secret, most sacred doors through which we pass into the presence of the Lord." This is exactly what meditation is. Spending time with just you and the Lord and aligning your heart with His. This sounds intense...and like a lot of work, maybe a little overwhelming. But I learned in this class that you don't necessarily have to do a whole lot, or even be able to think a whole lot for this to happen.
Felice taught me several different kinds of meditation. The one I have done for the last 40 days is called Kirtan Kriya. You can google it. In fact, Felice has several videos on youtube that are helpful under her youtube name Progressive Prophetess. This meditation I do has a mantra that I chant. This may seem way to "weird" or "out in left field" for some of you. It did for my mom when I tried to share it with her. All I can say is that it has changed my life. When I had a few days of resistance or hesitation with the meditation I would ask Heavenly Father when I prayed if this was something that was good for me and would help me. I always got the answer, "Yes, this is good for you". I would feel happy and excited to meditate again.
So, in what ways have I felt this meditation change my life? I'll tell you, within 3 days of doing Kirtan Kriya I was finding myself falling asleep without having to count my breathing to try and keep my heart rate down. I can now look back and see how seriously depressed I really was, even though I didn't really think that was part of my problem. I feel happy and so blessed to be mother to my children. They are no longer a burden to me. In fact, my ability to stay calm and patient when they are acting up has increased ten fold! My follow through with discipline and my ability to communicate with my kids has improved greatly. I feel so much love for them. I feel so much love for other people. Now that my heart is open to God's, I can feel His love flowing out of me to other people. My prayers have changed and I somehow feel inspired to ask for certain things from God that I never would have asked for before. I have been much more grateful and sincere in my prayers. This all may seem very drastic, and it is! It's only been 6 weeks.
Do I still struggle with anxiety? A little bit. Basically, I've noticed that when I am tired I lose the ability to control my thoughts and emotions. So, when I am overly tired, I struggle more. But let me just tell you that even these moments are mild in comparison to just my every day struggles 6 weeks ago.
Meditation works people! If you want to research on your own, and create your own process, or mantra, or whatever then just do it. There are a lot of books on meditation out there, even websights that are helpful. The key is to be consistent and do it everyday. Trust me, it will change your life!
