I had a rather traumatic experience today.
I've never passed out before.
Until today.
Due to some needed tests I was summoned to the lab to have some blood drawn.
I had no idea I should have been prepared to donate half my bodies supply.
As I sat down in the chair the lobotomist pointed to the row of tubes and said,
"We've got to do a lot right now, are you up for this?"
"Oh, sure." I said, "2 weeks ago they did this much too and I was fine."
So, we proceeded with this fine experience. About half way through I started to feel real queasy.
"Whoa, I don't feel so good."
"You'll be fine. How many kids do you have?"
"Um, no I really don't feel so good."
"Okay, "so and so" will go get you some water, would you like a cup of water?"
"Yeah"
A few seconds later a nurse walks in with a cup of water that I take a sip of but instantly feel like throwing it up.
Suddenly the cup is no longer in my hand and splashing all over the floor.
"We've only got two more left, hang in with me!" I hear in an echoing voice.
I'm a fighter. I did NOT want to go down. Passing out is scary! I was breathing, counting, forcing my eyes open. All I could say is, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."
I'm sweaty. I can tell my eyes are open but I can't see anything.
"You're done!" sounds like she's yelling from a mile away.
A sigh of relief comes over me, then...
blackness.
This is not as scary as I thought. For the moment I feel complete relief.
Sleep.
I open my eyes to find several people standing over me. I'm still in the chair, being held up by other's supporting me (pinning me, really) to the wall.
I want to go back.
I'll just close my eyes again. Just for a minute; when an ice pack is nestled in the back of my neck. My lobotomist is close to my face now.
"Keep your eyes open. Look in my eyes, I need to know that you can hear me."
So, reluctantly, I obey and I realize that I'm having an acid trip.
The colors are so bright. Everything is blurry.
My legs are numb! I've had an epidural!
Oh wait, my arms are numb too.
Holy cow, if someone were to let go of me right now I would slither down to the floor and no matter what kind of brain power I put into it I would not stay erect.
Several moments later the doctor decides that I'm not going to get better unless they get me to a bed.
"Who are the two biggest guys here?"
Ugh, I know! I'm so sorry! I'm not petite and lightweight. This next step would be so much easier if I were!
2 men pick me up and carry me to a bed where I lay for who knows how long until I can feel my feet again and now I only feel nauseous. I can also see again although I question it by the horrid pale yellow that has become my hands.
As I get stronger I admit that I hadn't really eaten a good breakfast because I had a tooth worked on yesterday and it hurts to chew. So, they escort me down to the cafeteria and the nice doctor buys me soup.
As I soaked in a hot bath this evening and replayed the events in my head I had a spiritual learning moment.
There are moments in our life when God wants to take us somewhere, teach us something, guide us to a better place. Sometimes, especially when we don't understand what's happening it will seem scary.
If you're like me, you fight. Push the process away. Hold on to what you know.
But as I learned today, whether you fight or not makes no difference. You will still end up where God wants you to be, you just may have drawn out the process longer than necessary.
When you do arrive at this point, you'll realize that it is wonderful. You'll wonder why you ever fought in the first place. I can see this process happening to me right now in my life. I decided that I would just give up the fight. Hand it over to God and let Him take me and teach me what He may.
Easier said than done. But recognition is the first step.