Will's birth story

I haven't really been a blogger lately, but I do want to record the story of my little Will's birth so I shall do it here so it can be included in our family history.

William was due on May 28 (or 29, depending on who you talked to, not that it matters). My last two babies came 2 and 3 weeks early so naturally, I assumed he would be coming early as well. Silly me. My parents had planned on him being early as well and when his due date came and went I was feeling the pressure. I needed to utilize the help my parents could provide while they were here and how upsetting for them to go home without seeing their grand-baby! So, I was induced on May 30. It was such a hard decision for me to make and I felt so sad and so defeated. I had prepared this entire pregnancy to labor and deliver naturally and without drugs or intervention. I prayed and prayed that Heavenly Father would get things started and bring Will out on his own, but it didn't work out that way.
The hospital called early on the morning of the 30th and asked if we could arrive by 7:30. I was so nervous and emotional. I thought we would be leaving a quiet home but everyone woke up and we all ate breakfast together. It was nice.
My mom and Scott both came to be with me for the delivery. By the time we got into our room and signed the million waivers and such it was 10:00. My midwife came in and hooked up the pitocin around 10:30 and broke my water at 10:45. I could not believe how much water came out when she broke it. It literally sounded like a full flowing river for at least a full minute. Usually they increase the amount of pitocin from the IV every 15 minutes to get things going, but as I wanted my body to react as naturally as possible I requested that the nurse only increase it every half hour.  I slowly started contracting irregularly. By about 12:30 I was contracting regularly. For the entire labor the pitocin drip only when up to 10 ml which they usually go up to 36 ml for a normal induction, I think.
By 1:00 I was in active labor and in "the zone". My mom sat and brushed my hair while Scott would let me squeeze his hand during the contractions. Up until then I had been doing some squatting and exercises to really work with my contractions, but by about 1:30 they were strong enough that all I could do was breathe and endure them. Around 2:30 I could tell that my contractions were not making much progress any more. I stood up and leaned over hanging onto Scott's arms for one and it was SO much more painful that I knew I should change my position, but the contractions were so much more manageable while sitting on my ball that I chickened out and sat back down. My midwife came in to check me at 3:00 and I was dialated to 7 cm but  William's head was posterior so she had me lay on my side and man those contractions got SO intense. I remember moaning and yelling through each contraction and thinking how crazy and weird I must seem. It felt like I was screaming, but my mom and Scott swear I wasn't and that I looked quite controlled. After about 15 minutes she had me move and lay on my other side and within minutes I was completely dialated. I thought for sure once I reached this point he would just slide right out of me, I mean, he is baby number four!  But no, it took what seemed like an eternity from this point to the end. As I was laying on my side still I was doing involuntary pushes through the contractions which actually was SUCH a relief. When my midwife could see his head she had me lay on my back and I started really pushing through the contractions. It felt like he crowned pretty quickly and then stalled. I think it was only about 3 minutes where he was stretching that last lip of skin to come out but the pain made it feel like hours. Scott makes fun of me that the best moment of the labor was the moment was when I yelled, "Just pull him out of me!" Finally, the relief of his head passing through came and a small push later to get his shoulders out and I was free...sort of.
I was exhausted and everything was still throbbing as they whisked him away from me. He was very limp when he first came out and they wouldn't put him on my chest or wait to clamp the umbilical cord because of it. While the baby team worked on William my midwife assessed the damage and said I had four small tears. Ack!! Dang it! I just knew if I could deliver unmedicated I would avoid this problem. Of course I could totally feel one of the tears happening when he was coming out though. Oh man, having to be sewn up without the epidural was a nightmare. Between the stitching  and her having to keep scrubbing it all down with gauze to get the blood out of the way I was so annoyed and miserable.
Meanwhile, Will's first apgar score was only a 4 (hence why I couldn't hold him), but by the time his 5 minute apgar came around he scored a 9. Finally I was able to hold my sweet baby boy.
My biggest disappointment with delivering naturally was that I was not feeling strong and on top of the world afterward. I had heard, and hoped, that you feel great, walk around and such after but I felt just as loopy, weak and awkward after as I had after my epidural wore off with my other kids.
Now that I've just complained and described the most painful and intense few hours of my life I'm going to shock everyone and say that I'm 90% sure I would deliver naturally again if I were to have another baby. I can't really give a good reason why except that I feel an extremely strong connection to William. Like we were a team and we went through that crazy experience together. Birth must be an excruciating experience for those babies too and a small part of me feels like maybe with the epidural I've abandoned my other babies in that process and was pain free while they still had to endure it. I know it sounds silly but there it is.

Now, enjoy a few pictures of my sweet, sweet baby Will.

Right after delivery:

Next day hospital visit with a proud big sister:

Four days old:

 Henry getting to know his baby brother:

 Lydia is by far most obsessed with Will. She asks to hold him all day long:

 I am totally smitten:

A few favorites to start with:

 Alright, alright already! 

I keep getting threats from people about my blog. 

So fine, here is a post of a few of my favorite pictures from our time in Florida. 

Maybe I'll be dedicated enough to post again tomorrow...

I really think the people in this picture make it special. I mean, it just wouldn't be the same without them:

Our first morning in Florida the sunrise took my breath away. 

 We spent some time  in Downtown Disney and by far our favorite part was this wacky mirror in a candy shoppe:

 We went on the safari ride in the Animal Kingdom first thing in the morning and it sure paid off! 

These giraffes were so close and we saw two crocodiles get in a fight. 

I took this of myself while waiting for the rest of the crew to ride Thunder Mountain. 

I call it, "Experience of a Pregnant Lady at Disney Land". 

Though this is not the full experience, if I could capture the shredding pains in my lower stomach from walking so much in a picture, I would add it to the collection. 

 Scott refused to pay to rent a stroller and his body paid for it dearly. Though my two boys look pretty cute like this:

 On our "non-Disney" day we still needed to fill it with something exciting so we went to this awesome ice cream parlor and ordered the Kitchen Sink. 8 scoops of ice cream, all the toppings in the house (which included donuts, brownies, chocolate chips, oreos, cherries, sprinkles, and more I can't even remember), and an entire can of whipped cream. Then, they turn down the lights and have a disco ball and music as they bring it out to your table. Just to make sure you know how awesome you are for ordering this. 

  

It was delicious, exciting and exhausting all at the same time. 

I had a stomach ache the rest of the night, but it was so worth it! 

 Waiting for our table at Les Chefs de France in Epcot. Lydia refused to look happy until her belly was full. 

We were so surprised to meet Remy while we dined! He came to ask about our food and make sure everything was okay. The kids were ecstatic to hear that he was preparing our meal. 

Remy sure is a great chef. This was by far the best food we ate our entire trip! 

What we've been doing ... with pictures

Here is a picture tour of what the Adams family has been doing the past couple of months.

We are having a baby in May. Here is how we almost announced it to everyone-

That's right; we're having another boy. We're still open to any name suggestions.

We are still getting used Atlanta, but it has been a rather pleasant fall/winter ... if you can call 

60 degrees winter.

Henry got a nasty cold that required a trip to the hospital, but all is well now.

 Lydia had a birthday. We can't believe she is seven years old. Her greatest desire was to eat dinner at Texas Road House and sit in the saddle.

But she still loves her babies, and that helps to reassure us she is still a little girl.

Henry and his Dad have been super heroes around the house constantly. 

We had a great Christmas with three spoiled children.

Lydia took a trip to the Georgia Aquarium and ever since, she has told everyone she will be a dolphin trainer when she grows up.

Her favorite was the Beluga whale. 

We had an interesting cultural experience when attending Catholic Mass with Scott's friend from work. Next week, Scott's friend will attend our Church.

We let the kids bang some pots and pans on New Years (at 9:00 p.m.). Who knew these were so fragile? 

We joined Scott for lunch at the CNN Center, across the street from Scott's work. While eating lunch we had a cameraman asked us a question and a friend later said she saw us on television that night.

We finally got the pictures finished from our trip to Utah last September. Here are some highlights.

Scott's favorite-

My favorite-

My Story. Part 2

There is so much information I feel like I want to share. Too much to even share in several blog posts. I highly suggest that if you feel so prompted after reading about my experience you go and sign up for the next 40 day meditation challenge with Felice. Here is my "cliff's notes" version of the how, and why of my last 40 days:

I knew right away that I wanted to be a part of this meditation challenge. The word "meditation" was just hitting me so strongly. I had always known that meditation was a good thing for people to do. I just didn't know how to do it. I had tried before and just sitting in my room, trying to be quiet was always so confusing. I just couldn't do it. I needed someone to teach me how to meditate. This is where Felice comes in. She is the one conducting the 40 day meditation challenge and I signed up for her weekly webinar class. This was one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

In our first class Felice quoted a scripture from Doctrine and Covenants section 88 verse 91: "And all things shall be in commotion, and surely men's hearts shall fail them for fear shall come upon all people." Christ is warning us what this world will be like when time is wrapping up before His coming. This scripture just blew me away because my heart was literally failing me. Not in a heart attack sort of way -which is happening to way too many people- but in a psychological sort of way. I could not function in my daily life because my heart was failing to keep up with the stress going on in my mind. I would venture to say that people's hearts are failing them every day in every way and some may not even know it. The more I open up about my issues with anxiety, the more I find that everyone is dealing with anxiety on some sort of level.

The world knows that it is important to physically prepare your heart with exercise for whatever issue may appear, but no one talks about the need to spiritually and mentally prepare your heart. For those of us who are LDS, we have always heard how we differ from our pioneer ancestors because they had a physically demanding trial and we, of this generation, shall have the spiritually demanding trials. I never understood what this meant until this last year. The world is spinning faster, our lives are on hyper-speed and our sub-conscious minds are being overloaded with information and stimulation. The sub-conscious is supposed to file all the millions of thoughts and simulations we receive so we can choose which things are important to focus on and hide the rest away. But they are getting so crammed with information that it's overflowing and creating havoc on our spiritual and physical selves.

This is where meditation comes in. President of the LDS church in the 1970's David O. Mckay said, "Meditation is one of the most secret, most sacred doors through which we pass into the presence of the Lord." This is exactly what meditation is. Spending time with just you and the Lord and aligning your heart with His. This sounds intense...and like a lot of work, maybe a little overwhelming. But I learned in this class that you don't necessarily have to do a whole lot, or even be able to think a whole lot for this to happen.

Felice taught me several different kinds of meditation. The one I have done for the last 40 days is called Kirtan Kriya. You can google it. In fact, Felice has several videos on youtube that are helpful under her youtube name Progressive Prophetess. This meditation I do has a mantra that I chant. This may seem way to "weird" or "out in left field" for some of you. It did for my mom when I tried to share it with her. All I can say is that it has changed my life. When I had a few days of resistance or hesitation with the meditation I would ask Heavenly Father when I prayed if this was something that was good for me and would help me. I always got the answer, "Yes, this is good for you". I would feel happy and excited to meditate again.

So, in what ways have I felt this meditation change my life? I'll tell you, within 3 days of doing Kirtan Kriya I was finding myself falling asleep without having to count my breathing to try and keep my heart rate down. I can now look back and see how seriously depressed I really was, even though I didn't really think that was part of my problem. I feel happy and so blessed to be mother to my children. They are no longer a burden to me. In fact, my ability to stay calm and patient when they are acting up has increased ten fold! My follow through with discipline and my ability to communicate with my kids has improved greatly. I feel so much love for them. I feel so much love for other people. Now that my heart is open to God's, I can feel His love flowing out of me to other people. My prayers have changed and I somehow feel inspired to ask for certain things from God that I never would have asked for before. I have been much more grateful and sincere in my prayers. This all may seem very drastic, and it is! It's only been 6 weeks.

Do I still struggle with anxiety? A little bit. Basically, I've noticed that when I am tired I lose the ability to control my thoughts and emotions. So, when I am overly tired, I struggle more. But let me just tell you that even these moments are mild in comparison to just my every day struggles 6 weeks ago.

Meditation works people! If you want to research on your own, and create your own process, or mantra, or whatever then just do it. There are a lot of books on meditation out there, even websights that are helpful. The key is to be consistent and do it everyday. Trust me, it will change your life!

My Story. Part 1

Today, as I was laying next to Henry while he fell asleep for a nap (because he's sick, sadly, this is not a regular occurrence) I felt inspired to write down my story over the last 4 months. Because I have arthritis issues with my hands, it hurts to write in a journal. So, this shall be where I share my story and I hope that by sharing, maybe someone who needs to hear it will stumble upon this place and find solace and relation.

On July 17, at 4:00 a.m., while sleeping, I was hit with a major, sudden, and unexpected panic attack. I had never had a panic attack, or anything like this before and thought I was having a heart attack. Embarrassingly, I was transported to the ER via an ambulance and spent an entire day being tested and probed for heart problems only to be told, over the phone, by a cardiologist that my heart is healthy and I must've had some anxiety and to just go home and rest. I felt like an idiot. This day began my journey of painful, never ending anxiety. I suffered everyday. Sometimes, all day...and all night. My heart would race and I couldn't catch my breath. My chest was sore and it hurt to breath. Sometimes the pressure in my chest would be so overwhelming I literally couldn't do anything but lay down. I had pulling/straining pains in my upper back. Digestion issues. Headaches. Exhaustion. I became very depressed. Kind people who wanted to help would tell me to find things I enjoy and do them often. It was then that I realized that I didn't enjoy anything anymore. Literally, I didn't enjoy my kids, even when they were being sweet. I didn't enjoy baths, or baking, or makeup, or making friends. We didn't have any close friends here in Atlanta yet. Though our church group is wonderful and I knew I could call several people from our church at anytime and receive help, I didn't want to call them. I didn't want to put forth any kind of effort in any socialization.

During these weeks I would beg my husband, almost on a daily basis it seemed, to give me a Priesthood Blessing before bed. I would read my scriptures and pour my soul out in prayer. "Help thou my unbelief" I would cry as I was sure that my Heavenly Father could heal me and stop this madness and it was just my wavering faith that was in the way. My prayers helped...a little. I would sob, nightly in conversation with God. Eventually exhaustion, and the peace of knowing that my Heavenly Father would take care of me, I would slip into a slumber. Often just to be woken up a few hours later with the pounding of my heart.

We had JUST moved to the Atlanta area and I didn't have a doctor yet. The process of finding a doctor that was approved by my insurance and would still accept new patients was long and stressful. I knew I needed to see a doctor. It took roughly 4 weeks before I was seen. When I finally got in to see someone she was very understanding and really wanted to be very helpful. She suggested that I start taking two prescription medications and one OTC. 1- Zoloft, an antidepressant 2- Xanax, an anxiety med 3- Unisom, a sleep aid.
I have always been weary of taking medications and am not a fan so I told her I would have to do some research and think and pray about these and get back to her.

That very day I heard from a friend whose brother-in-law had just committed suicide weeks after taking a new antidepressant medication. This was a huge red flag for me and I saw it as a sign from God that these pills would not help me. I WANTED to take these pills and I WANTED them to help me. But as time went on, the more I would think about the possibility of them making my situation worse, and not better (which is rare, but does happen) the worse my anxiety would get. This was my answer from God about the antidepressants.

I just never got any sleeping aids, because I don't like the idea of becoming addicted to them and not being able to sleep without them. This is not freedom and health for me. I knew there was another way I could overcome my anxiety. I just didn't know what it was yet.

The Xanax. I did fill a prescription for Xanax. The main purpose I had in doing this was because we were about to fly to Utah to spend two weeks with family and I did not want to be a slave to my anxiety while there. I did not want my anxiety to overtake my time with my family. The Xanax was a "take as needed" drug for me. I used it about 4 or 5 times before I thought I might be pregnant and then didn't want to risk anything, just in case, so I stopped using it even when I wished I could.

When we got back from Utah, I began seeing a therapist weekly. She has helped me immensely and I still see her regularly. I felt for sure that my purpose in seeing a therapist was to uncover some mystery of a "stresser" that was causing all this anxiety and as soon as we could figure out my "trigger" I could fix it and all would be well. I found out that this is not how therapy actually works for most people. Because I didn't have anything to pin point my anxiety to I think that added to my stress. But my therapist let me know that it doesn't matter what it is that stresses us out, what matters is our ability to recognize when our body is starting to spiral out of control and be able to stop the process in it's tracks. On our very first visit she taught me the importance of breathing, breathing correctly and paying attention to my breathing. I began breathing down through my belly and diaphragm and focusing on slowing it down and pushing the breath deeper. This helped me a ton, but I was still battling anxiety almost daily.

Then, one day I stumbled upon this:

It was as if a light turned on inside my soul and I could feel the Holy Ghost telling me inside that this was my answer.

I am going to take a break and finish my story (novel!) at a later time. Just know that it has an incredibly happy ending and if you're curious, visit the web sight HERE for more information about the 40 day meditation challenge.

Lately

Since I've lost my mojo for blogging, but there is still a nasty, guilty, nagging feeling that I should, I thought I would just sort of do an update throw-up if you will. 

Here is a few of our happenings from the last two months:

We went camping along the Appalachian trail:

These kids enjoyed playing the fire too much for my liking. 

We hiked along the Appalachian trail for a while. 

We helped our church in a service project going door to door asking for donations to the food pantry. 

I was very skeptical and had a bad attitude, but it ended up being a very fun experience for our family. 

This little boy turned FOUR. 

It's killing me. 

Lydia and I enjoyed a milkshake as part of Henry's birthday celebration. 

My mother in law made an awesome Halloween quilt for me. 

I LOVE it!

 I may have had the best burger EVER at this cool and hip place. 

(way better than even Fudruckers, I tell ya!)

*Quick history* - My mom and grandma used to own a business where they designed t-shirts back in the 90's. It was a great success and these were one of their best sellers:

The girls have loved wearing them to school. 

 School pictures remind me of how beautiful my girls are.

 Our good friends had us over for a weenie and marshmallow roast for family home evening. 

I'm so happy to have good friends with a fire pit in their backyard!!